Thursday, November 6, 2008

Why Am I here? What am I doing here?

Why Am I here? What am I doing here? ; is the dilemma I am living through.

Striving hard to find a solution, trying to understand what I aspire.

Life is running out of my hands, so fast; everyone is running for what they want, or what they think they want; sometimes not even knowing what they are running for.

Emotions are being crushed, for the race everyone is running in.

I didn’t want to be part of this race; I just want to nurture emotions, live them through my heart, living through every moment.

Making every moment a memory so deeply engraved in heart... But this seems like a fairy tale as if nothing of this is coming true, as if the dreams I am trying to live through will get shattered the moment I will open my eyes.

Still unable to answer the dilemma in my heart; still unable to answer why i am part of this race when i really never wanted to be.

Perhaps I am just living through my destiny. Perhaps I am just trying to find what life has in store for me. Perhaps I am just keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best to happen.

Conflict

I am living in a world of conflict!!! Or am I just hallucinating!!!

Fighting within me, trying to live still trying to die;

Life is so simple at times and still so complicated.

Is it moving or making me drag through?

Can you hear me? Is the question my soul is asking my conscience continuously.

I don’t know the answer, I really don’t know.

Can I hear my soul?

I just let it blabber, let it speak and go unheard,

Or I just shut it up, and let happen what is happening.

I forget what I want and just move ahead with everyone; killing myself, sacrificing the sanctity of my soul.

Is this life or is this way the life moves on?

I don’t know, I really don’t know the answer.

Or rather I should say, perhaps I am running away from facing the answer.

Perhaps the answer lies within me, but I don’t have the courage to face the answer.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

"pehli baarish"

It rained in the evening.... the first rain of mumbai... the refreshing rain.. bringing life back to life. Rains always been so close to ma heart... sometimes they bring in sadness sometimes they fill it with happiness which has no bounds. sometimes the world seems so new like i had never seen it before.. sometimes it becomes so dull that i wanna forget that i was ever a part of it. so what the first rain of mumbai got for me......
I would rather describe that in the followin lines which i wrote when i was watching the water droplets drizzle down and fill everything with love....

"aaj baarish ki bundoon mein bheegne ko dil chaaha, dil ke har kone mein chhupi har tamanana ko poora karne ko dil chaaha
puraani yaadon, puraani baaton ko sang lejaati hai apne ye boondein, isliye to aaj naye sapne fir se sanjone ko dil chaaha "

kuch nayapan bhar deti hain ye boondein... aankhon mein sapne de jaati hain ye boondein....
deti hain seekh ki meri hi tarah sabko bhigo do tum khushiyon se, meri hi tarah chhupaa do tum sabke aansuon ko apne aagosh mein.. aur sabke dilon ko bhardo tamannaon se....
baarishon ke upar likhne chahu to shayd likhne ki khwahish khatam hi na ho.... :)
abhi ke liye itna hi.....
hope this rain fills everone's heart with love.....

Monday, June 2, 2008

can I spread happiness........ ??

Sometimes when I lie down on ma bed in the night… tryng to get some sleep after a long day. I simply wonder how strange is this life. We are always running for something which is not in our hands, simply forgetting what we have with us, so close in us, within us… or may be around us. But we have the fire within us to grab that is far from us, infact that keeps on going more far n more far. Today while travelling on the local.. seeing the people hanging out of the train, seeing people pushing each other to get into the train, loosing the humanity and just running for themselves, simply forgetting that what will u do alone in ur life. Whatever we may say but the bare fact is its difficult to live as a loner, it is difficult to live for myself…. Hahha.. I know I myself keep saying that…. But I have found many times, the happiness that comes within when u make someone happy by what u do for them is uncomparable with any joy in this world. When u fulfil the dreams of ur parents, when u make them realise yes, I am living to fulfil ur dreams and will do my best to do so….. the happiness, the smile, the relief that comes in their eyes gives u a soothing sensation… gives u something u will never get when u will fulfil ur dreams.
But is that easy so easy or so simple to just become a part of someone…..or a part of someone’s lives. It is simple if u wana keep it simple… it is complicated if u get into the depth…
I dnt kno… why I always end up being on the complicated ends of lives….
May be that’s god’s another way of teaching me to become empathetic with everyone’s feelings… and make everyone happy..
Is that possible can I spread happiness and make everyone happy….??

Na jaane kya chhoot raha

Na jaane kya chhoot raha, kahin to aaj kuch toot raha hai
Bikhar gya hai jaise sab kuch, kyun aaj ye dil bhi bikhar raha hai.
Aankhon mein nami si hai,saanson mein garmi si hai
Dil mein yaadon ki yaadein hain, kyun ye dil aaj yu ro raha hai
nazarein piche palat palat na jaane kise dhund rahi hain,
na jaane aaj uske intezaar mein ruk jaaane ko dil chah raha hai
Use kareeb na pakar udaasi mein doob raha hai
Lab pe khushi honi chaiye thi yakeennan
par kyu us sathi ko khokar dil yu tadap raha hai.
Kya karu iss bebas dil ka jo bas uske hothon pe khushi dekhne ko machal raha hai
Ye jaante hue ki uski aankhon mein nami bhi maine hi bhari, usko khone ke gham mein aankhein apni bhi nam kar raha hai.
Har chhoti chhoti baat pe uski muskaan dekhna, na dikhe to mehfil bhar mein use dhudne nikal padna, uski ek zid ke liye duniya palat dena isi pyaar ke chalte hi yeh dil aaj use khone ke gham mein ro raha hai.